well deserved break well deserved break“...Why are you staring at me?” Sara asked, her eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Is there something on my face? Did I not wash up properly…?”
The realization made Ryoko’s face heat up. Oh, how embarrassing… she hadn't meant to stare! “No, no! It's nothing bad,” she assures, reaching up a hand and placing it on her cheek. Carefully, she drags her thumb along her soft face, brushing away ginger-colored strands of hair so she could see better. Sara idly leaned into her touch. “I just like looking at you, is all. Am I not allowed to do that?”
“Let me think,” Sara paused, looking up and acting as if she actually had to think on it. “Mmm…. Not when you're giving me that look. You look like a puppy.”
(...or, Sara stays over at her girlfriend's house, and they cuddle.)
YTTD; Hirose Ryoko, Chidouin Sara; Non/Pre-Death Game; Written for the Yuri Turn To Die! fanzine.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: thank you to @datastate on tumblr for betareading! 💖 many thanks to everyone who helped make the zine possible in the first place :] this was such a fun project, and i cannot wait to do more of these in the future!!
Loud stomps raced up the staircase, getting closer to Ryoko’s bedroom door with an adrenaline-filled excitement, something that she didn’t see all too often. The feeling was contagious, it having already spread to her even before she heard the news. It was so exhilarating that Ryoko couldn’t help but hold her breath, heart pounding in her chest.
This was it! Her girlfriend could stay over, right? That had to be it. Of course, it’d be awful if she jinxed it, but there was no other reason for her to be that excited after a call to her parents.
Successfully startling Ryoko, the door swung open and revealed a teenager with messy, ginger hair and a huge grin on her face. Her smile peeked past her lips, a relieved laugh spilling out.
“Sara!” Ryoko greeted, leaning forward off the edge of the bed in anticipation. “Did they give you the go signal? Can you stay over tonight!?”
“You bet!” she replied, seemingly out of breath. Despite that, it was evident she was overjoyed—enough so she couldn’t contain herself. “My father's out of town today, apparently, so my mom was fine with it.”
“That guy’s always out of town,” Ryoko remarked. Then, she spread open her arms, beckoning for a hug. “Well, guess that means more of his daughter for me!”
To that, she was met with Sara’s small, embarrassed giggle, her amber hair dancing in the false breeze made by the fan. She stepped further into the room, then closed the door with the back of her heel.
“I guess it does,” Sara chirped, her eyes sparkling despite the violet LED lights encasing the entire room. “Speaking of, could I by any chance tackle you? It’s a little cold on this side of the room.”
“Really, now?” Ryoko snickered, hoping the slight anticipation hadn't becoming obvious in her tone. “Alright, alright, sure. Just get over here already, silly!”
Sara ran at her as quick as she did back in junior high—except this time, neither of them were crying. Instead, her partner’s rare laughter echoes as she pushes her onto the mattress. Unable to react, the situation felt akin to a cat suddenly pouncing on its prey—but instead of attacking, said assailant wrapped her arms around her, holding on so, very tightly, enveloping her in a hug like she hadn’t seen her in forever.
It was rare to ever see her so physically affectionate with someone, especially with the way she usually upheld herself in public. This certainly wasn't the first ever time she had seen her partner like this, but it'd be a lie to claim she was used to it. Sara was often more reserved, seeming to prefer spending quality time together and verbal affection as opposed to this—and of course, Ryoko wouldn't complain. It was a side that seemed to be for her only, and it always made her feel giddy to think about it.
With finals coming up, the two admittedly hadn't been spending much time together due to studying. Although she was certain her lovely partner would pass with flying colors, she never believed it herself. That, plus her father constantly hanging those dumb expectations over the girl’s head, made it nearly impossible to find time—time alone —with Sara.
While the two attempted study dates at the library, Ryoko partly prided herself in her ability to successfully distract the both of them within the first thirty minutes—which was something Sara didn't take too kindly, herself.
…Really though, she never did purposefully divert her girlfriend's attention, especially when those tests were so important. It just sort of happened . Not to mention, Ryoko partially preferred studying by word of mouth. Making flashcards and casually testing herself with another person helped her remember things better, but it just so happened that studying that way was difficult too, with how easy it was for their focus session to dissolve into silly inside jokes that no one understood but them, thus making it effectively worthless.
Sometimes, it made Ryoko feel worse thinking about that at all. She didn’t like making Sara worry, so usually, she let her take the time to study on her own—it meant she’d be more confident, after all—but times like these, it was nice to realize she missed spending time with her too.
Well hey, make the most of the present and all that, right?
Sara rubbed her forehead against her arm and gave a small giggle, shifting to find a more comfortable position. With her arms tucked under Ryoko's, the only thing she could do was move up on the bed with her, just so they both had their heads resting on the light purple pillows of her bed. The two's legs tangled, with Sara still gently clinging to her.
Ryoko couldn't help but fondly laugh at her appearance, her hair now a mess from moving around so carelessly. These amber strands dangled over her freckled-face, her eyes peering through just enough. Sara removed her contacts to reveal the violet and orange fade resting behind them, resembling the sunrise of the early morning. On days Ryoko stayed up late, having focused on something to the point she lost track of time, she spent the hour before her alarm went off staring out the window, dozing off as the glow illuminated everything in the surrounding area. Sara’s eyes were like that, encapsulated in her irises and allowing the sight to feel that much more vibrant.
“...Why are you staring at me?” Sara asked, her eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Is there something on my face? Did I not wash up properly…?”
The realization made Ryoko’s face heat up. Oh, how embarrassing… she hadn't meant to stare! “No, no! It's nothing bad,” she assures, reaching up a hand and placing it on her cheek. Carefully, she drags her thumb along her soft face, brushing away ginger-colored strands of hair so she could see better. Sara idly leaned into her touch. “I just like looking at you, is all. Am I not allowed to do that?”
“Let me think,” Sara paused, looking up and acting as if she actually had to think on it. “Mmm…. Not when you're giving me that look. You look like a puppy.”
“Whaaat?” Ryoko whined. “I'm more of a rabbit! We've been over this already!!”
“Well, you looked like a puppy just now. You had those lovey dovey eyes you're always giving me.” Her teasing is relentless, even adding a small scoff for dramatic effect, “I don't know, I'm starting to think you're—and I can't believe it—in love with me?”
She rolled her eyes, tagging along with the bit. “No way. Me? In love with you, Sara? Nay, you must be mistaken… How could I ever fall in love with my knight in shining armor?”
“I take it back. Do not involve me in your comic books.”
Ryoko lightly flicked her nose, stifling a laugh. “Shut up. What, you prefer I be the knight and call you a princess? Do you wanna be carried around bridal-style, too? Want me to save you from an oh-so evil dragon?”
Sara's eyes widen for a moment. Ryoko silently swore, wishing the lights were on so she could see just how flustered her partner looked at the moment. Curse you, LED lights.
Attempting to brush off her muted surprise, Sara cleared her throat and went on. “I doubt you could even hold a sword properly. One time you held my kendo sword, and you broke a mirror with it. You'd be saving me by casting bad luck onto people for seven years—us both included.”
“Aww, buttercup,” Ryoko cooed, not in the least bit phased by the comment, instead wearing as much of a dopey smile she can manage. “Isn’t it at least romantic? Saving your lover from an opposing force, though so lost in justice that you end up digging a hole for everyone in the end…?”
“You’re insane. If we ever end up in a piece of fiction, remind me to break up with you immediately.” Despite it, Sara broke into a smile, adoration reflecting in those warm eyes like a mirror. Bingo. Even though Ryoko wishes she could see the other’s embarrassment, she can do just fine by making assumptions.
“Yeah, yeah—whatever you say, sunshine.” She squeezes her cheek, earning a startled squeak. It’s so sudden, that immediately right after, Ryoko can’t help the snicker that escapes her lips. Soon enough, even Sara joins, stunned by the sound that she made without even trying. It’s purely laughter for a few seconds. Not that anything was really funny, but she liked to laugh with her. There was something so comforting about it, the feeling bubbled up inside her and made her kick her feet out of giddiness.
When her giggling finally dies down, Ryoko’s soon fades with it. When Sara did something, she followed suit—not out of any obligation to do so, but they often found themselves in-sync. Maybe she is like a dog after all.
And here they are, off-track again. “...Right! While I remember, how are you feeling about exams? I wanna go get ice cream with ya after it’s all done, you know—my treat!”
Sara’s smile disappeared, despite the offer Ryoko was sure she’d never pass up. It took a minute to for her to try and find her words.
“That sounds fine, but um… I feel alright about it, I guess?” She doesn’t sound very convincing, fidgeting with a few strand of Ryoko’s partially dyed hair. “I know you and Joe keep telling me not to worry too much, but I can’t help it. I’m still getting questions wrong when I test myself, and it’s freaking me out.”
Ryoko hummed, her expression dropping to mimic Sara’s. “How many questions are you getting wrong?”
Sara genuinely looked embarrassed at first. Her eyes went wide and she bit the inside of her cheek, and for a moment, Ryoko thought it was really bad—but this was Sara . She rarely, if ever, messed things up. Sometimes there were a few slip ups, but overall, those mistakes were so miniscule that only the most scrutinizing eyes could point them out.
It just so happened that those eyes ran in the family.
“It's… a few,” Sara finally replied, though she seemed unsure. “Last time I did the mock exam, I got about four wrong.”
Just four? Ryoko wanted to say. Part of her figured it'd sound insensitive, though.
“Out of what?”
“Fifty questions, just multiple choice.”
“So like… That's still an A, isn't it?”
Sara shrugged, displeased. “I guess it is. I could do better, though.”
“Sunshine.” Ryoko placed a hand on her cheek, rubbing a thumb over the dust of freckles littering her face. “You're already doing amazing, honey. I mean, yeah, shoot for the moon and all that, but when was the last time you took a break?”
“Now.”
“ Before now.”
Sara stared for a while. “Last night?”
“What time?”
“...I didn't look?” She offered a rather pitiful smile, one that Ryoko didn’t find reassuring. Sara was a bad liar when it came to her, and she knew that.
“The point is—you've been working ridiculously hard. Hell, the last time I actually looked over my notes was like… Last week,” she chuckled, lightly squeezing Sara's cheek. “So if anything, don't stress it so much!”
“It's finals, Ryo,” she pointed out. “I'm supposed to stress out about it. I mean, I've got it all under control, but you know. Better safe than sorry.”
“You mean better your grades than your health?” Ryoko tilted her head. “Sounds like something your dad would say, honestly.”
“He would not!” Sara frowned, furrowing her eyebrows. “I know he's strict about my grades, but it's because he cares. He'd be upset if he found out I was staying up late.”
“So why are you doing it?”
Sara didn't respond. She always got like this whenever Ryoko brought up her father. The tension in the air grew heavy and thick, so much so that not even the sharpest sword could cut through it.
Truth be told, she never really hid her disdain for Sara's father. It wasn't that he was outwardly awful, of course, but it was the little things that ticked Ryoko off. He always seemed to coddle Sara, then correct her for every little thing. Not to mention, he never really welcomed Ryoko into the Chidouin household like her mother did; never offered to make food unless it was already out on the table, never engaged in their conversations, nothing.
Sure, she supposed that it could just be two different parenting styles, like Sara would suggest every now and then, but that never satisfied Ryoko. It certainly didn't help that occasionally, she'd hear about bewildering actions—such as him locking her windows completely and regularly going through her phone. For a long time, Sara didn't even have a phone password, just so it could be accessed easier.
But anytime this came into conversation, Sara became easily upset by the topic. Maybe a change would be appreciated, for her sake. They were supposed to be taking a break, after all.
“...Anyhow,” Ryoko cleared her throat, wrapping an arm around Sara and pulled her closer. “Is Joe feeling any better? I know he mentioned getting sick, and I haven't had the chance to ask how he's recovering.”
“He's… getting through it,” Sara replied, accepting the topic change. “He can't take any medicine because he doesn't have any, and I offered to drop some off, but he insisted he'd just buy it on his own. I swear, he's going to die if he keeps doing this.”
Ryoko sighed. “Sounds like it. What kind of house doesn't even keep some cough medicine, though? I know he's not like, super well off, but there's gotta be something, right?”
“I guess. I don't think you should really ask me about that,” Sara weakly smiled.
“Oh, right,” she rolled her eyes, grinning. “You're a rich girl. I can't believe I forgot.”
“Hey!” She playfully shoved Ryoko's shoulder, rolling to the side. “At least I don't flaunt it around, Miss Gamer.”
“God forbid a girl bring her controller to school by accident,” Ryoko scoffed. “And for the record, that was a gift from my uncle. Not from my own money, so it doesn't count!”
“Uh-huh. We're currently in your room with the lights off and LED lights on. Everything is purple.”
“So? You could buy these online pretty cheap, I'm sure!” Ryoko countered. “I don't even get what this has to do with being rich. You've got like, so many collections of stuff in your dining room and living room, and it's all just for display!”
“It doesn't have anything to do with it,” Sara admitted. “It’s just funny seeing you get defensive about it.”
Ryoko gasped in false shock, placing a hand against her chest. “I can't believe you. I should kill you, you know.”
And Sara finally laughed again, scooting towards Ryoko again and wrapping herself around her. “There, there. You can assassinate me next time we play games together, okay?”
She rolled her eyes, begrudgingly accepting her role as her rich girl's arm candy. Still, maybe all that money pays off, considering how lovely her hair smells when she's close enough to her face to smell the mix of strawberry- and orange-scented shampoo, with a hint of cinnamon tacked on from the perfume she sprayed every morning. Ryoko almost commented, but she can't complain. Ultimately, she doesn't know what she'd do if she lost the familiarity of it.
Ryoko slowly inhales. Then exhales, taking in each moment by moment.
Sara doesn’t move, content with her forehead pressed against Ryoko’s neck and her ear close to her chest. She can feel her carefully breathing in and out in her embrace. Ryoko wonders what she’s noticed. Maybe she smelled cherry blossoms. Maybe vanilla. Maybe both. Probably both.
“...Your heartbeat sounds nice,” Sara noted, pushing up against her further. “It’s steady. Kind of like a rhythm.”
“Yeah?” Ryoko’s heart nearly skipped a beat at those words. Sara must have heard it. “Is it calming…?”
“Mhm.” Even when she isn't looking at her directly, she knows Sara’s smiling. “Very. It’s comforting. I don’t really know what else to say about it. Do you want me to say something else about it?”
“Not really, no. However…”
Sara hums. “What do you need?”
Ryoko reaches her hand up, tangling it in her star’s lovely hair. “I’d like it if you got some sleep now.”
A whine leaves the other as she further snuggles her forehead into her neck. “I don’t wanna. You first.”
“Come on, please?”
No matter how utterly sleepy Sara looks, she remains relentless. “No!”
“You’re so difficult…! Fine!”
In a desperate attempt to get her to get some well deserved sleep, Ryoko shut her eyes tight. Her arm remained wrapped around Sara, holding her close so she wouldn’t try and wiggle out of bed to do other things. If her partner wasn’t going to rest until she did too, then she’d rest as soon as possible! And surely, her star would keep to her word.
So, Ryoko stayed quiet for a long, long time. She leveled her breathing, because she knew Sara was listening. She wasn’t exactly tired herself, meaning it’d take her a bit before she actually fell asleep—but that didn’t mean she was going to let Sara wait that long. Ryoko knew how stubborn the girl in her arms was. She wouldn’t easily cave and surrender into her exhaustion on her own.
A Chidouin never backs down from a challenge. Sara had once firmly told her this, and to this day, Ryoko knew she still held herself to that standard—as detrimental as it was at times, it was usually harmless. This was one of those situations where it could be harmful, which meant she had to put a pin in it so Sara wouldn’t go too far.
…Eventually, Ryoko began to fake snore. It was timed carefully, counting the seconds between each noise of slumber, just to make sure it would be fully believable. Though Sara shifted in bed a little now and then, but didn’t make any other noise. Maybe she was finally attempting to get some shut eye. That was good.
Soon enough, however, Ryoko felt the tickling sensation of Sara’s warm breath near her face. She placed her forehead against hers, stilling herself for a moment—perhaps checking if she were actually awake—and then humming in relief when she thought she was sound asleep. Ryoko almost started to feel bad. It was ridiculous how much she was fooling her right now.
“...You’re always so worried about me. Thank you, love,” Sara whispered. Then, she leaned in, pecked her on the lips, and settled herself on the pillows again. Ryoko felt her face heat up, finding herself taking back her disdain for those LED lights from earlier. If Sara saw that reaction from her, then she’d certainly know she had been tricked—and out goes any attempt to make her get some rest!
There was a short pause, but again, Sara spoke. “I love you.”
Ryoko didn’t return the sentiment. Just a comedically timed fake-snore in response, an indirect way of saying please go to sleep already.
Then, it was quiet for a longer time. Sara had wrapped her arms around her again, almost clinging to her, like the way an anchor dug itself into the ground to keep its ship in place. Was Ryoko her anchor? She found it funny to think like that. If anything, Sara was more of a koala holding on tight to its tree—its home, maybe.
It didn’t take very long until she heard Sara beginning to quietly snore. Of course, it was for real, as opposed to Ryoko’s act she had put up. Cautiously, she dropped said act, opening an eye slightly to make sure Sara hadn’t gotten the same idea as her.
For a moment, she had partially expected to see violet and orange eyes, peering back at her like she had been waiting all along. Instead, Ryoko was met with eyes closed in a peaceful expression. Her face was tilted upwards, as if the last thing she had seen before falling asleep was Ryoko’s face, and she watched it in adoration until her drowsiness finally claimed her. From this angle, the purple lights hit her face in an almost magical way. Her freckles were illuminated—and so were the bags under her eyes—but mainly the freckles, and the messy parts of her amber hair, and her slightly parted lips.
It was hard not to smile. No, correction: impossible not to smile. Anyone who was lucky enough to behold this sight and didn’t feel the urge to grin was ridiculous. If it were possible, she’d like to take a mental screenshot, just to think about how pretty her partner was at a later time.
Careful as to not wake her, Ryoko leaned in, placing a kiss on Sara’s forehead. She stifled a small laugh, slowly brushing some of her hair away and kissing her again.
“...I love you too, you big sleepyhead.”
Published September 22, 2023. (Archived December 28, 2023.)